Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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