my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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