Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
