just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
