Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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