Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is Oprah even human
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
