I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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