i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
