i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We have so much sex to catch up on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
