I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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