we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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