And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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