girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
