Do you still have your period?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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