What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
