it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
