maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
