i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well you can't waste a boner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I just put wine in my tea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
