I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
