Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
as a side note pls kill me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
