I'm so fucking centered right now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
