according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You don't make any sense
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