Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
3pm strippers are depressing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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