i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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