Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
