The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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