How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
