He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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