If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
