I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
