i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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