I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
