her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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