I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
