Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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