Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let's get the cat blown out
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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