my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
