You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
