Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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