Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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