At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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