Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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