so explain again why im purple
no
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
