if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
