after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
