The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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