I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
