i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
