Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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