if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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