Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
