So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
