I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
