So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
